have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
