I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
