Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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