And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
