you didnt know i had herpes?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
