Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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