as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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