someone threw a dead crab at me
I can text with my tongue
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
