Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
