barbara walters just said penis...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
