So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
