Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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