It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
