I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
