it hurts more in the daytime
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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