could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
