We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
