well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
