Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
