I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
