I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
