So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
