haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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