her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
