woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
