hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
