Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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