i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
