My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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