You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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