and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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