my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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