im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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