so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
