Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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