Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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