You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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