Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
