Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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