i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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