Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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