somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize