I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
