Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
