once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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