Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Please don't give away my fajitas
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
