I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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