I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
