Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wear drunk well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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