those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
