I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
