I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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