Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
