you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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