The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
