i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
why do cheetos always look like penises
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
