just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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