I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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