did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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