Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
