the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
