Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
