put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
