Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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