I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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