____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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