I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
