If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
