1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
