The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
